Sunday Reflection: Who TF Can Create Right Now?

 

It's almost 4 pm on Sunday afternoon, January 10th, and I've only added a handful of words to my current Work in Progress all weekend. Like many people all over the world, I've been scrolling through social media looking repeatedly at images and articles from Wednesday's attempted coup at the U.S. Capitol. I can't help myself. I can't stop. I keep seeing different takes of the same events of that horrendous day and I read every one.

The information hasn't changed, nor has my opinion of the President and his part in this embarrassing and infuriating moment in US history. I've never been a Trump supporter. I've never been a Republican. From the moment Trump decided to run for the 2016 election I've said he's an idiot and an embarrassment to our country. He brought up penis size during one of the first debates, yet people still followed him. He mocked a disabled reporter on live television, and still people voted for him. I'm beyond disgusted. As if that's not bad enough, I live in Texas, firmly in Cruz's district. I absolutely can't stand him. He's just as responsible for the events that have led us to this moment. 

I'm so distracted with no end in sight. When will this BS end? I, like many Americans, am looking forward to the inauguration. But will that be the end of it? What are Republicans even now planning to do? They no longer control Congress. Is that enough to right the wrongs they've done over the past four years to the middle and lower class? To marginalized communities? To the environment? To the LGBTQ+ community? To the families of those dead or dying from Covid-19? To anyone who doesn't have the cash or stocks and bonds to garner their respect and attention? God I hope so.

For now, I'm writing this post so I can feel like I've written some words this weekend. It's the best I can do for now. I'm listening to some heavy, angry music to get that energy out. Once I'm done, I plan to switch to classical and try to write an actual story. If the words won't come, I'm going to snuggle with my cat and watch the rain.

Thursday Review: Matthew McConaughey talks to Dwayne Johnson

 

When I read an announcement about another celebrity book being published, I usually roll my eyes and move on. Not so when I saw the news about Matthew McConaughey's new book Green Lights. As a Native Texan, I think I'm obligated to like MM, but even if I wasn't he's an easy celebrity to like.

Most people my age think of MM as he was in Dazed and Confused, which came out the year I graduated High School. To be honest, I've never watched the entire movie and remember very little about it that isn't regularly shared on social media. What I do remember when it comes to MM, is his awesome portrayal of lawyer Jake Brigance in A Time to Kill. That is a movie I will never forget, though I think I've only seen it once.

So, his acting chops in that movie are usually the first thing I think of whenever his name runs across my social media. But, being a Texan, I've seen various tales of him just generally being a great, down to earth guy at various times. The talk aired online by B&N this past Tuesday only reiterated my opinion. From the advertisement I expected it to be Dwayne Johnson (aka The Rock) interviewing Matthew McConaughey about his new book. However, it was actually more like MM interviewing DJ. They spoke about the book and it's premise of there being green lights in our life, basically good things that come along, or opportunities we're given. They also spoke about yellow and red lights and how they've dealt with them.

One of the more serious parts of the talk happened when MM brought up that both of them have lost their fathers (which I didn't know). DJ spoke about being evicted from his home at age 14 and the effect that had on him. Seeing his mother cry was a driving force in him striving to be the successful man he is now. MM spoke a lot about his father and how much he misses him, which was very obvious in his voice. It was such a real, human moment to witness between these two men that can seem to far above us. 

Probably my absolute favorite part, was when MM talked about knowing at age 8 what he wanted to be when he grew up. You'd think actor or artist, right? Someone famous and/or important. Actually, he said a father. That just melted my heart. I thoroughly enjoyed the talk, and the Q&A MM held afterward, answering questions that had been sent in before the event. Though I haven't received my copy of the book yet, I expect Green Lights to be just as satisfying as hearing that talk.

Now that virtual events are our new normal, I look forward to attending more author events such as this. A few weeks ago, I attended one hosted by Fresh Fiction in which they interviewed Lorraine Heath. If you follow me on Goodreads it's pretty obvious I've recently become addicted to her books. I plan to also host some virtual readings of my Gargoyle Masters series. Hopefully, book three will be ready soon. Once that date is set I'll plan three events where I read from each of the books and discuss their world. I hope you'll join me.

Sunday Reflection: Suburbs and Subdivisions

Growing up, until my Freshman year of high school, we lived within Houston city limits. It wasn't like living "downtown" exactly, but it wasn't the suburbs either. If you're not familiar with Houston, a glance at the map to the left shows it's HUGE. Over the past thirty years, since I lived within city limits, the suburban areas outside of Houston have exploded and expanded. Recently on Twitter I came across a post about suburbs being started as a segregation tactic. There were other posts, all negatively referring to suburbs as basically things of evil. I find this funny because back when I was in high school, I would've agreed.

At the time of our move out of city limits I was a lonely teenager with zero friends or acquaintances in the school district I was moved into as a Freshman. We moved into a "subdivision", which honestly freaked me out a little bit. The only things I knew about subdivisions at the time were from Rush lyrics, and none of it was flattering. That put a definite damper on my expectations of my new school and classmates. It actually turned out really well for me. I graduated with good friends, many I'm still in touch with, and tons of great memories. Did I conform? Yeah probably. At the time I didn't think much of it, but I realize now how much of my Mexican culture I sacrificed during my teen years. However, all teens go through the transition of identity phase and that was mine.

Years later, after many more moves, I talked my husband into moving back into the general area of my high school years because of those fond memories. We wound up, and still live, in a subdivision in the suburbs. But let me tell you about the suburbs where we live. It's quite diverse. I'm not surrounded by white housewives when I go to the grocery store. I don't see a plethora of Trump for President signs as I drive down the street. There's a feeling of community here, even though most of us stay to ourselves and only smile and wave to each other in passing. Once when walking into the local grocery store, a lady was struggling to push her cart and pull a carpet cleaning machine behind her. I immediately headed her way, but before I could help her two other people got to her and aided her to her car.  

Another time, my husband and I were walking into the same store on a rainy day and a lady slipped and fell in front of us. The manager rushed out and a few other people stopped with us to help her. The store manager, who I knew well, talked her into letting me drive her home while my husband followed. No one thought anything of it because we're all neighbors. We're all a community. Sure, we have our problems like anywhere. I see Ring and Nextdoor alerts of stolen packages and car break-ins, but luckily it's not a daily occurrence. As mentioned, there are Trump supporters just like there are Biden supporters, but I've yet to see any public arguments. Everyone walking into the local grocery store wears a mask. When lost pet notices are posted people respond to help. I like living in my subdivision in the suburbs.

That being said, I DO NOT find Mike Pence in any way sexy or attractive. In fact, I laughed out loud when I saw that making the rounds on Twitter. I think a big part of the problem with the negative view of suburbs right now is the misconception that only one type of person lives in them. Well, that's certainly not true where I live and I have a feeling it's not true for a lot of suburbs around the U.S.

Sunday Reflection: A Decision About My Writing

 I signed my first publishing contract in the summer of 2008. Before that acceptance email that completely changed the way I viewed myself when it came to writing, I basically just wrote as stories came to me. I wrote because I wanted to know the rest of the story that was playing through my mind. I wrote for myself. The first time someone told me they liked what I had written I was shocked. These crazy stories I make up in my mind weren't supposed to actually go anywhere or do anything for anyone. Not even me.

Now it's been over ten years since my first book landed on the shelves of Barnes and Noble and I'm completely indie-published. I don't have a company to help me edit, publish, cover, and promote my stories. I'll be completely honest, there are days where it doesn't feel as if all the work is worth it. Does anyone care if I ever publish another book? Is anyone actually waiting for my 3rd Gargoyle book, 4th Archangel book, 2nd Shapeshifter book, or any of the erotic stories I have yet to republish? Maybe, maybe not. I've had to really think about this over the past few months because independent publishing is not cheap. I promised my husband at the very beginning of this journey that I would only spend money I make on my books on book-related things. I lied. Luckily, he's a wonderful man with a great job, and I work fulltime as well. However, I've had to take things very slowly with anything new that requires not only a book cover (of which I am barely capable), but also a real editor rather than a free Beta reader. This, my dear readers, is only one of the reasons I don't have more books available for purchase right now.

At the beginning of the year I had great hopes of having the third Gargoyle book out by the summer. Then Covid-19 happened and I've found it very hard to concentrate on writing. The plethora of blog posts over this past months are my way of getting back into the swing of things. I'm hoping oiling my writing muscles in this way will bring my mojo back. I think it's working. I certainly am not having any trouble writing the blog posts. But even once I get the book done I still have to pay for an editor. A couple of months ago I invested in another beautiful cover from the very talented Kanaxa. I can't wait to share it with y'all, but that's not happening until I have a release date. I have to finish the book first.

So, what was my great epiphany about my writing? What is the decision I've come to as mentioned in the blog title? I've decided to stop worrying about trying to keep up with the expectations other authors have for themselves and to be more realistic in the expectations I set for myself. I've decided to start writing for ME again. I still want to keep my readers happy. I love y'all and am completely humbled every time I sell a book. However, I can't live under that pressure right now. I'm going to once again look at each book as a story I want to tell rather than a possible source of income. Luckily, I have the ability to do that because as mentioned above my husband and I both work. I'm going to stop looking at my author brand as a business (at least for the moment) and consider it an expression of myself I want to share with the world. I hope you will join me on my journey.

Sunday Reflection: Nonredeemable Heroes/Heroines

 There was a recent blowup online about a romance book that supposedly had a Nazi soldier as the hero. Once the dust cleared the publisher apologized for the confusing cover, which is full of swastika flags, and said the hero is actually a British soldier. I don't know whose bright idea it was to cover that book in swastikas, but in today's climate of hate from white supremacists, especially in the US, it was a terrible idea. But let's dig a little deeper into why there was such a swift, harsh reaction from #Romancelandia. If you're on Twitter at all you will notice there a few topics that get a large collection of romance readers, authors, and bloggers up in arms. The one this hit upon is a terrible choice in "hero". If you're reading a romance book, there is going to be a heroine and/or hero. So, let's look at the ones that shouldn't ever, ever, ever make the cut.

Racists: it's always been a struggle for minorities in the US to get a fair shake at literally anything at all. Some things have gotten easier, some things have gotten harder, and some things have stayed the same. So, let's look at why using a Nazi soldier, or any flavor of white supremacist is not ever okay. Racism is a learned trait that usually takes some time. The average romance book only has so many pages, and usually sticks to a tight timeframe. If a person learned their racist traits from their parents then that's at least eighteen years of indoctrination the love interest would have to muddle through. I'm not saying it can't be done, but should it? The hero/heroine can start off on the wrong foot (see enemies to lovers trope) but it can't be so bad that we absolutely hate them from page one. The reader has to believe they are savable, that there are redeeming qualities to the character to make it worth our time to want them to become a better person. Sorry, but racists just don't fall into that category for me.

Murderers: I've had to have this talk with my teenage son who has a ton of great story ideas pouring out of him. If it's going to be a romance book the hero/heroine CAN NOT kill anyone in cold blood. Self-defense? Sure. But it has to be the absolute last resort. Odd accident? Maybe. It would really depend on the circumstances and the character must be left emotionally devastated to know they've taken a life. Adding a murder to a romance book can be tricky, because it has to have a Happily Ever After Ending to be romance. If it's the hero/heroine holding the smoking gun, then they better have a very good reason.

Adulterers: This is my personal hot button topic. It's very hard for me to read a book where any cheating is going on, so I tend not to write them. There may be some past history mentioned, but nothing in the readers face, especially form the hero or heroine. My opinion is that cheaters will always cheat, no matter who they're with at the moment. So, there is no way a story with a cheater will end in a HEA if that cheater is a main character. In the book shown above the heroine starts off with the cheating boyfriend of the heroine from the previous book. I really struggled with whether or not to give Heather her own book, but quickly realized the story told in book one wasn't her whole story. It was the cheater's story. I was able to give Heather her redemption because she had been tricked by the cheater too, and then kicked him to the curb.

Sociopaths: The essence of a romance story is that two people come to care for each other deeply and fall in love. A sociopath by definition doesn't care about others. No matter what sub-genre of romance book you have the couple (or polyamorous group) will care deeply for each other by the end and show it in various ways. Though any one of them could show a lack of empathy at times, they can't be completely without it to the end.

I'm sure I've missed a slew of characters that you would never want to read as the hero/heroine of a love story. Feel free to comment below with others, or if you disagree with any of the ones above, tell me why.

Hispanic Heritage Month 2020

 Happy Hispanic Heritage Month! September 15th through October 15th is Hispanic Heritage Month. Why doesn't it start on the first? I have no idea. To be honest, this is the first year I've publicly acknowledged it because I usually don't know it's coming and forget about it once it's here. I have an odd relationship with my heritage, but the fact is I'm proud to say I'm Mexican American, born and raised in Texas. 

I wasn't always proud of my heritage. In fact, I spent my entire childhood and adolescence wishing I was white. This is a fact that I've only come to realize, and come to terms with, in the past few years and I feel like I've missed out on so much of my rich culture.

The photo to the left is of my mama at an art installation I took her to for Mother's Day a few years back. It featured the Virgin de Guadalupe, a symbol that holds a special place in my mama's heart. As a teenager, I wouldn't have wanted to attend such an event. I rebelled against learning conversational Spanish. I never dressed or spoke in a way that would reflect my Mexican heritage. Looking back I can't say exactly why I felt that way, but being Mexican always felt like a stigma. I saw various things in my youth that led me to that, but there were a lot of wonderful things too, and I can only blame my perception of what was beautiful and accepted for missing out on that part of my culture.

I was raised on the north side of Houston in a diverse area, but mainly Hispanic. For middle school I was sent to a magnet school in a predominantly African American area but there were still different cultures around me. However, my closest friends were white. Once I hit high school we moved north to the suburbs and I was in a predominantly white school. It was a completely different social, economic, and cultural climate. I wanted to fit in like any teenager. I wished daily that I'd been born white, but that idea was never so simple in my head. I wished I was blond. I wished I was tall and thin. I wished I could wear the same clothes as my white female classmates and look the same way they did. But still I didn't realize I wanted to be white. I begrudgingly took Spanish class because I knew I could ace it, and I did. I was a member of the Spanish National Honor Society without being able to hold a conversation with my grandma in Spanish. I was a fraud. I felt like an impostor. 

It's been a few years since I've embraced being Hispanic, but eleven or so years ago when deciding on a pen name I didn't think twice about using Missy Jane. My real name is Melissa and Missy is a nickname. My real middle name is Jane. I joked that it would be easier for me to remember, but was that all? I can't help but wonder if I was subconsciously suppressing my roots. Was I trying to hide my brown skin with an Anglo-sounding name? Perhaps. If so, it wasn't something I thought about until the past few months when more and more Latinx authors have become known to me. They're all over Twitter proudly proclaiming their heritage. They put it in their books and on their beautiful book covers. Once again I feel like a fraud. I almost never write a blond character, but they do tend to have pale skin. I've started to make them darker. I've started to add a kink to their hair. I've started to hear Spanglish as I write and yearn to include it whenever a conversation happens that I know could happen in my own family. 

I can't promise that I will always get it right. I can't promise that I will be a good representative of my Mexican heritage. But I'm going to make more of an effort. I'm proud to say I'm Latina, Mexicana, Hispanic, Chicana, any one of the numerous words that means my skin is naturally brown, my black hair is naturally curly, and in the summer I wear chanclas.

Sunday Reflection: Food Insecurity

I don't remember there ever being a time that I had to go without eating because of a lack of food. If you follow my Instagram, you know I get to eat some pretty good looking dishes. Growing up, there were some lean times and we certainly didn't have steak and lobster on the menu that I ever remember, but we did eat. My husband and I were young parents and there was a lot of Hamburger Helper in the early years of our marriage, but again, food was available for every meal. However, recent online posts of college students being given hardly anything during quarantine has created such an unexpected anxiety within me that I've had to really stop and think of why I seem to suffer from food insecurity at times. I don't go without. My family doesn't go without. But while kid #2 was in college I constantly worried about her having enough to eat. Kids #1 and #3 now live on their own and it's still something I worry over. 

I was having this discussion with the family over breakfast and brought up my confusion over how emotional I get. Daughter #2 brought up something I had told them about my maternal grandma. Nana had lived through The Great Depression and knew what it was like to really go without. So she had some habits that confused me as a child but I understood as I got older. For one thing, she saved everything. She wasn't a hoarder, but more like the ultimate recycler back before it was cool. If Nana could find an alternate use for anything it never saw the trashcan. One thing I clearly remembered was her always scraping the bits of leftover food from our plates into a bucket for the neighbors livestock. It grossed me out, but she said it helped the neighbor. Anything that helped the neighbors was expected to be done without complaint.

Maybe it was knowing how Nana felt about food, and other things, that has the anxiety over a lack at the back of my mind? I have no idea. As I stated above there has never been a meal I missed because we couldn't afford to eat. Sure we've had to survive on ramen and rice and beans a few times, but even that was plentiful for our family. The thought that any child (yes I still consider college students children) is having to go without because of the greed or incompetence of the institution they've given money to absolutely infuriates me. Luckily, some enterprising students created an Instagram page for food donations. But this came to light because of a viral video. What about the kids we haven't yet heard about? Many campuses started classes two weeks ago. I can't wrap my mind around the thought of anyone's child going without food for a single day, much less two weeks.

If you would like to donate to a worthy cause, find your local food bank, and if  you don't have extra funds donate your time. Volunteering at the Houston Food Bank is something I've done a couple of times and plan to do again. We should all endeavor to help those around us who need access to food.

     

Sunday Reflection: Social Media

 

It's Sunday, a day I've trying more and more to stay off social media to attend to other things. Though I consider myself "Christian" I'm not a church-goer, but everyone deserves a day of rest and social media can be downright exhausting.

I'm most active on Twitter these days, I think because of the faster pace. I tend to log on while I'm at work during the week because I have a lot of down time and I can take a peek at what the online world is talking about fairly quickly. But being on Twitter is a double-edged sword. It's a great way to let people know about my books, talk to bibliophiles of all genres, and get great writing advice. However, it can also be a pitfall of hate and negativity. Politics aside, there can be some really unpleasant people on Twitter which is why they allow you to block and mute accounts that you don't want to engage with or read posts from. So, what do you do when someone you want to engage with blocks you? The short answer is, absolutely nothing. Trying to engage with someone who doesn't want to engage with you will only lead to trouble no matter how you look at it. This isn't something I usually worry about, but I have to admit that finding out I'm blocked by someone I want to engage with is unpleasant. 

So what happens when someone you've never engaged with, or even knew of before, blocks you? Again, nothing really. Twitter is just an online platform not an arena full of people that you can touch and see. Most people don't have a real photo of themselves or use their real names. It's all superficial and shouldn't be an emotional thing at all. However, it can be. Not long ago the Romance Community was talking about an author that many people engage with and learn from but it wasn't anyone I had ever heard of. I clicked on the link to learn more about them and instead realized they had blocked me from seeing anything at all. I have to admit, I was really taken aback. If this person is so highly regarded and doesn't want to even know I exist, what does that say about me?! In essence, nothing at all. It could be that at some point I Tweeted, Retweeted, or even just liked a post that this person disagreed with enough to warrant them never wanting to engage with me. And that's perfectly fine. That's exactly what Block and Mute are meant to do. But it honestly took a couple of days for me to get past it because of how highly regarded this person is in our Romance Community. The worst part to me is not being able to make amends or explain myself because I have no clue why I've been blocked. But the truth is it really doesn't matter. I had never heard of this person before which means we probably have nothing in common other than being in the Romance Community. And that's fine because as individuals, there's no way all of us are going to get along.

For a lot of creators impostor syndrome is a very real, very harsh malady that we fight against every time we attempt to create. Social media can be both a hindrance and a life preserver. If you get positive feedback online it helps to realize that yes, maybe you can do this creative thing you've set out to do. But negative feedback (including being blocked, muted or ignored) feeds into that doubt that nags at the backs of all our minds when we have the audacity to try creating art. If this ever hits you just remember that social media is completely voluntary and not necessarily reflective of reality many times. It's okay if some people don't want to engage with you because there are others who do. No matter what you put out there, someone wants and maybe even needs to see it. Be your own best audience and keep creating.

If you'd like to engage with me online, I can be found here:

Twitter the quickest way to get my attention

Facebook feel free to send me a friend request, or to just know about my books/events like my Page

Instagram mostly pictures of my cats & food I've cooked or am about to eat, but occasionally books too

On Life in General

This has been a challenging summer. In June I turned 45, during a pandemic, where celebrating with extended family wasn't possible. My immediate family and I went to the beach and had a great day staying away from everyone. One kid officially became a High School Senior, while another kid officially became a college graduate with a Bachelor's degree. And finally, Hurricane Season officially began.

In July I lost one of my furbabies (pictured above). Cheetoh adopted us in 2015. She just showed up one day as a scrawny stray meowing in the hopes we'd feed her. I fed her and loved her and fed her some more. If you follow me on Instagram you're probably very familiar with her antics. I loved her so very much, but she developed Diabetes without us realizing it until it was too late to reverse the effects.

 Along the way I also returned to working in the office instead of at home. Unfortunately, I have no real choice in the matter even though I disagree with it since I can completely do my job from home (except checking the mail on Mondays). However, it keeps me active when working from home definitely didn't. I also republished an erotic short story originally released by Ellora's Cave called Educating Macey. It's always been one of my favorites because no matter how many times I read it, that opening scene always makes me laugh. I have it available indefinitely for free.

 At the beginning of August I went ahead and commissioned the artwork for the third book in my Gargoyle Masters series. The book is only about halfway done, but having the cover makes it more real to me and inspires me to write more. Writing has been a grueling process lately. I need all the inspiration I can get. 

This past week was spent preparing for Hurricane Laura. It was a sobering experience that I've been through too many times, and it never gets easier. Luckily, Houston was spared a direct hit and we've only seen a bit of rain so far. I hate to even count my blessings knowing our neighbors in Louisiana were put through the wringer. I just hope once the clean-up begins it goes quickly and there is minimal loss of life. 

September will be upon us very soon and with it comes a three day weekend right off the bat. I've also joined an accountability group that begins in September. My goal is to get back to daily writing. If all goes well, Born of the Forbidden will be out before Christmas. 

I hope all of you are doing well in these crazy, uncertain, and harrowing times. Please vote, wear a mask, and treat others as you would wish to be treated. Remember that Black Lives Matter now more than ever as we see so much hate being spewed across the country. And support all marginalized voices in the arts.

My son and husband were kind enough to hang my hummingbird feeder outside my (dirty) office window.

Getting Back To It

This Friday afternoon will mark my first day back in the office at my regular job (the one that pays the bills) since Friday, March 20th. For ten weeks I've been able to work from home, something I've considered a privilege. My office is unique in that there are only six people in a lot of space. Technically, we could've stayed working there, but the boss gave us the capability and the option to work from home. I am very lucky to work where I do.

This isn't the first time I've worked from home, but the past couple of times were by choice not necessity. Once was an attempt at advertising sales, the other was an attempt to make money solely as an author. Neither worked out in the long run. Whether it be from age or the different type of work, this time I enjoyed being stuck at home a lot more. Of everyone in my family I'm the only one not suffering cabin fever. I have gone grocery shopping every week the past month (as soon as the store opens on Sunday morning only). Plus we've picked up to-go orders and such, so I haven't been stuck completely at home the entire time.

Since my life will be getting back to a semblance of normal by the weekend, I'm hoping to get back into a writing groove. I've received an order of bags with my logo on them and am considering some other promo items. I really miss going to book events and meeting readers. One of the items I'm considering is a credit card sized magnifier that can be used as a bookmark. I might do a FB or Twitter poll, but feel free to comment below on whether that's something you would pick up (for free) at a book sale or if there are other items you like to see as giveaways on authors' tables.

It's going to take a while for everything to feel "normal" again, or for us to get used to our new normal. I hope all of you have stayed healthy and safe during this pandemic, and I sincerely hope we're on the homestretch. Keep reading and take care.

Thoughts on Hoarding and Other Things

Calico cat named Jessie

It's Thursday afternoon and I'm in my office trying to ignore the television in the living room, just on the other side of the wall. Kid #3 is home from college and is watching Hoarders with kid #4. I've told them my grandmother might have had hoarding tendencies, but there was a very distinct reason. 

I grew up visiting my Nana in El Paso every summer and Christmas break. I clearly remember her saving food scraps to feed the neighbor's livestock. I remember her making every meal from scratch. So many memories of pennies pinched and things that I didn't understand at the time are much clearer now. Nana grew up during the Great Depression. She became the single mother of four children when my mom was eleven, and worked as a nurse at a hospital near her home for as long as I can remember. 

There are so many things we take for granted when we're children. My kids want for nothing that my husband and I can provide and I've always told them so long as there is breath in my body they will never be homeless and never go hungry. In these uncertain times there are so many people without that family safety net that my kids have always known. It's something I was blessed with myself, and I don't know what I would've done without it. So, I'm sitting here thinking about that and how such things, lack of family and security and/or growing up as a child during a depression, might have effected the hoarders on the show.

I'm not a TV watcher myself. I leave that for my husband and drown myself in books instead. This year I've been more determined than ever to record every book I read in order to keep track. I use Goodreads and am always happy to add a friend to my roll if you're interested. Unfortunately, I haven't been adding to any bookstores myself. I'm almost halfway to my desired word-count for the third installment of my Gargoyle Masters series. Kid #2 (a great artist in my opinion) is working on a new cover for Day Shift. I want it to have more of a comicbook feel to it this time. The sequel is done but needs to be edited and covered as well. Hopefully, by the summer I'll have at least one new release. 

On June 15th I will turn 45. My goal is to release Born of the Forbidden: Gargoyle Masters Book III by that week. Technically it will be my twenty-third manuscript to be published since I started this journey in 2008. The first couple of years were very productive, but the knocks from a thieving publisher, the closing of my favorite publisher, and then be completely ignored by my final publisher, really took its toll on my muse. I'm trying to find it again one sentence at a time. So you may be seeing more blog posts as I work out my writing muscles over the next few weeks. I hope you'll join me on this leg of my journey.

Too Close for Comfort

So, yesterday's shooting was way too close to home. I mean, that is the exact campus I'd planned to have teen #1 register at for the Fall. So am I being paranoid in deciding she'll go to the Northern campus instead? I don't think so but some might. I completely understand the argument that a shooting can happen anywhere at anytime, especially in Texas where a lot of the citizens own guns. However, I also believe in not tempting fate. More than one news report mentioned the violence "could have been" gang related. What that tells me is that campus has issues. Now I also understand the other campus might also. But I went to both campuses (many, many years ago) and to be honest they're like two different worlds. So for now I'm going to have to insist my baby goes to the one I feel safer and more confident about. Otherwise, I just might have to attend classes with her.

We've Come a Long Way, Baby

I was talking to teen #2 a couple of days ago and she mentioned how one of her classmates said she was bi(sexual). She said this in the same tone of voice she would have mentioned someone's new Iphone or what she had for lunch that day. What surprised me the most wasn't that a teenager in high school would admit to her friends and classmates that's she's bi, or even the fact that she is bi, but that she knows that. I remember in middle school a very loud and obnoxious girl asked me if I was (don't remember the term she used but she rocked her hand side to side, palm flat facing downward), or if I liked boys. At first I had no clue what she was even talking about but then someone clarified by asking if I liked girls. Everyone around us laughed and humiliated the hell out of me. I told her of course I liked boys just none in our school.

When I was that age and even into high school it was still taboo to be anything but heterosexual, or at least to admit it out loud. There was one girl in the class below me who was admittedly a lesbian. I had no problem with her, actually hung out with her a few times, but there were many others who did and were very vocal about it. I remember thinking they were idiots but I never said anything. I treated her the same as I would treat anyone else, but never defended the bad stuff I heard because I didn't think she would care. Also, I was kind of confused. At that age (somewhere between 14 and 17) I really only knew there were certain guys I thought were cute. But for the most part they were all immature assholes. I had no idea if I liked girls or not. I just didn't think about it all.

The fact is, I wasn't really, truly secure in my heterosexuality until after my teenage years. Perhaps if I had given it real thought I would have known for certain earlier but I didn't. Sure my friends told dirty jokes and there were some talking about having sex from time to time. But we weren't really a group that focused on our sexual preferences. We wanted to have fun, listen to music, watch movies, hang out, and just generally be teenagers doing teenage things. Hell, I didn't even smoke pot. Some may think I missed out but I certainly don't.

So, what I'd like to know is are we helping or hurting our kids by being so open minded and openly discussing sexual preferences now? I have an uncle who is gay and I still remember the day I found out. I was shocked but then once my initial reaction wore off I realized it really didn't matter. I went on my merry little way and didn't think any differently of him than before. I just understood why he had that male friend that had always been around my whole life.

I want my kids to just be kids for as long as they can because frankly, adulthood sucks. I don't want them to have to worry about adult things until they are adults. To me, teenage years are full of enough concerns. Why worry about sexual preferences when you're too young to worry about having sex? I've been very honest with all of my girls. I know they're going to have sex, I'm not an idiot. But I've told them of the complications and dramatics it will entail. So I kind of wish teen #2's friend had just kept that info to herself because it really isn't anyone's business. But now that we're such an info based society I don't think there's such a thing as personal boundaries on that kind of info anymore.

Damn shame if you ask me.